Why is death so difficult to talk about?
Death is the only absolute fact that we know will happen when we are born. Yet, as human beings we struggle to talk about death, I often wonder why? I sometimes get asked why I write about my feelings about how widows and widowers can cope with grief, cope with bereavement…the answer is simple - the most important thing is that we do talk about it, we don’t hide from the feelings.
Death is natural, yet seeing someone die or see someone when they have died, can feel unnatural. We feel out of control, our loved ones look different, our feelings that are so often under control are unnaturally out of control.
I think that we need to move as a society from being embarrassed not being able to cope, embarrassed about talking to people who suffer death in their family, to understanding that the more we talk, the more we express our feelings then the more natural we will be, in dealing better with death.
How do you feel? Do you feel that people are embarrassed around you? Do you feel you should cope with your feelings privately?
Tags: bereavement, death, death in the family, voping, widowers, widowsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Grief
4 opinions for Why is death so difficult to talk about?
Elaine Williams
May 21, 2008 at 4:22 pm
Good post. I too blog and talk about death, dying, bereavement and grief. It’s something society as a whole seems unwilling to talk about or face. From what I have experienced, the entire grief process is largely misunderstood. It’s not over in a year, it’s not over in six months. It’s with you always, but you learn to heal through it and resume your life in whatever way and manner is best for each individual.
Anna Farmery
May 23, 2008 at 7:16 am
Elaine thanks for stopping by - I hope through our blogs we will get the message out that it is OK to speak about grief, OK not to cope…do you want to leave a comment telling people where they can find your blog?
Meditation, Yoga & Spiritual Growth Carnival #18
May 27, 2008 at 6:22 pm
[…] Farmery presents Why is death so difficult to talk about? posted at Widows […]
Jackie b's
Jun 13, 2008 at 1:12 am
Did You Feel Like God Had Let You Down?
I was 2 mins away from where Jill had been fatally struck by another car. The cars were backed up so far, all I remember is running on the hot pavement between the other cars only to have 5 volunteer firemen hold me back and not letting me go to her car, which they had draped already.
After struggling with them they finally carried me kicking and wrestling over to my parents and othre daughter that arrived from a different direction.
See I knew all 16 of those volunteers who when I finally was still enough and looked to Jill’s car, they were standing there in formation with their helmets over their hearts, something inside me knew anyways but I just couldn’t grasp the thought.
They were so respectful as they had draped her car and had state troopers keeping the newspapers away. Even when they took her into the ambulance, the walked with shield on each side to keep anyone from seeing her. I knew this could not be happening because every morning when I asked God to watch over Jill and Jodi and Mother and Daddy and to give them devine health and safety, I truly believed he would.
Finally they let me get to her and there wasnt a scratch on her, she had just shampooed her hair and it smelled like herbal essence. I was so unaware that I actually thought when I took in a deep breath and breathed it into her mouth that God would take my life and she would wake up. She was still warm, and soft and when I had breathed all my air out she still lay there, beautifully sleeping like I had watched her so many times before.
But this time she didn’t wake up. I was numb, I remain numb, I don’t know if I will ever feel again.
That was the beginning of a life I wasn’t prepared for, I had just become a member of an exclusive club that no one really wants to join.
Before, I couldn’t bare the talk about death and dying as my family is so small anyways. Just my Mom, my Dad and my two daughters and myself. I had been divorced many, many years before.
The thought of losing any one of them was unbarable, until I actually had to face it, up close and personal. Now I think it’s something you must talk about and discuss, there are so many questions that have no answers.
I wish I had know about this kind of support then because I felt like there was no one who could possibly know the pain and anguish I was going thru. I did isolate myself. I wouldn’t answer the door or the phone or return letters or cards, I wouldn’t even leave my apartment as I never went back to my house.
the house where there was always love and laughter and neighborhood kids running in and out. I know it sounds like a silly thing but at the time I just couldnt’ walk thru that door. Which in retrospect, was my way of not facing the tragic events and running away from them, but I was and am still just wandering on this journey they call life and wondering where I fit in, or even if there is a place for me to fit. who am I now. who was I before, who will I be, will i be.?
I don’t know alot about the computer things but am learning, and if I’m writing in the wrong place I do apologize, but when I found Anne’s rainbow it was my inspiration to share and maybe help others although all of ya’ll comments help me more and I feel quilty for not being able to give more.
Thank you to who ever started this and if you are reading this for the first time, please don’t suffer in isolation. there are people out here that are willing to just say “Im here”
thanks for letting me talk a while
Jackie b
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