Widows Quest

What do you say to a griever?

by anna on March 20th, 2008

When someone loses someone close to them, it can be so difficult to know what to say. I came across an article at Helping Hands that I thought was worth sharing with you , here is a snippet for you

“Some other unhelpful comments after a death may be:

– “He is in a better place.” (Many feel their best place was with them.)
– “He lived a long life.” (It may not be long enough for someone we love?)
– “Be strong.” (That sounds like ‘Don’t cry, or don’t express feelings.’)
– “You should be over it by now.” (There is no timeline for grief.)

Some helpful responses may be:

– “I can’t imagine how hard this may be for you.”
– “I am so sorry about your loss.”
– “I’m here, and I can listen. Take all the time you need.”
– “Thank you for sharing your feelings.”
– “I don’t know what to say, but I want you to know I care.”

Sometimes the best thing to do is to just show up and be present. Many grievers talk about the few who knew how to be compassionate companions and simply sat patiently and quietly beside them, allowing them to experience all of their feelings and thoughts. We live in a ‘doing’ society, yet often it is in the being that we can be of the most service to others. A healing presence is one of the most meaningful gifts we can give someone in grief.”  

Although we as widows or widowers are often the recipients….we also know people who suffer loss too and I found this article hugely helpful in knowing what to say to someone who is going through a bereavement.

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POSTED IN: Practical Tips on Grief