Widows Quest

Regaining Your Life

by anna on February 25th, 2008

I was touched by a recent comment on the blog from Naomi

“I have been a widow for six years this April22,2008,I moved to Texas and left all my family to start a new life. I am feeling depressed,I miss my family and am struggling financially. I have 2 teenagers,my daughter is 17 and my son is 15. I feel lonely and miss my husband,I’m not working but have a very good Church I am involved in. I am looking for a job. I have a lot of anxieties and fears……”

I think this comment is something that we all can relate to, we face death and all the anxieties and fears that go with the bereavement process. I believe that we need to address the fears head on…

• Accept that fears and anxieties are natural. They are not to be feared, they are there to say that we are human and once we accept that we can start addressing them.
• Remember that our brain is very clever. It talks to us constantly, therefore if we concentrate on the fears we will constantly be thinking negatively. We need to replace those fears with dreams and goals.
• To start the process think about what is important to you, what are your strengths, how can you build on those strengths, how can you spend your time at home and at work doing more of those strengths?
• Set yourself some goals. Short term to start with, but goals that will show you that you can achieve happiness, that you can start moving forward.
• Celebrate and talk to yourself about how good you feel when you achieve the goals. Again this is replacing the negative self talk with more positive thoughts.
• Then start to stretch from short term to medium term. This starts to give you things to look forward to…it may be a holiday to somewhere you have always dreamed of visiting…it may be building a memorial, it may be finding that job that you have always wanted to do…whatever is important to you.
• Surround yourself with friends and family who are positive thinkers, who reaffirm to you that you can achieve whatever you want to…..we may enjoy the people who indulge us, but in the long term we need people to help us think more positively about the future.

Anxiety is natural, fears will always be there. But you know often the fear is so much worse than reality. There really is nothing to fear but fear itself. The way to remove fear is to start taking small steps of action and showing to yourself you are capable of so much more than you believe you are….start today, by setting those goals and sharing them with us all.

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POSTED IN: Affirmations of Life