Reducing Stress at Times of Grief
I always think about a Chinese proverb -
“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are”
When I look back at the time of death, I can remember the tension in my body. I remember thinking “Be strong” “Don’t break down you have too much to do” “Don’t cry when you tell people as they will be shocked and need you to be there for them”
I remember carrying the burden of the world on my shoulders, until one day after the funeral when I just sat and cried my eyes out. What I realised is that tension comes from trying to be something for other people, look at the phrases I used to talk to myself…. 
Yet, your body and mind needs you to be you, to feel the pain, to be who you are….I think when we learn that, we learn a lot about how we can find happiness following our grief.
Tags: chinese proverbs, death, Funeral, Grief, stressRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Comfort Yourself
3 opinions for Reducing Stress at Times of Grief
'Botanic Garden'
Feb 27, 2008 at 2:46 pm
Hello. As you have a vested interest in helping people cope with grief, I wanted to tell you about a new production playing in Chicago called Botanic Garden. It is directed by Academy Award Winner Olympia Dukakis, and focuses on a middle aged woman learning to begin again after the loss of her husband of 25 years. Time Out Chicago declared, “(the) play displays a remarkable emotional honesty… Dukakis’s empathetic direction and the easy rapport between Roman and Leaming leaven the truthful difficulties of leaving a loved one behind and going on about the business of life.” I believe this show could be an excellent event for bereaving individuals or groups, so I wanted to extend to you and your readers an offer for half price tickets. All you have to do is contact the Victory Gardens Theatre box office at 773-871-3000 and mention the code CARMEN to get $17.50 seats to any performance. I hope you will all check it out. It’s a very touching and inspirational piece, and definitely worth seeing. Thank you!
Elaine Williams
Feb 28, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Wonderful article. It’s so true. Some of us, though, take longer than others to figure out the grief process. As we know, it’s an individual journey, fraught with uncertainty and unknown paths and opportunities. We can fall down and keep feeling sorry for ourselves, or pick ourselves up and try to drag ourselves forward. It’s never easy, no matter how you travel or finally get there…there is no end to it, we just learn to adjust, to live, to love again. I’ve found for myself going deeply into the despair and pain, feeling it, looking at it, letting it have its way for a short time, then letting it go, does me the best good. Again, it’s all individual.
anna
Mar 1, 2008 at 3:48 am
Thank you for both comments. Elaine I love the phrase fraught with uncertainty. I know what you mean. Your life had in many ways been certain…now loss has shaken that and until we find a new routine, a new life that is based on our core values then we struggle through that grief process. The great news is that there are others there to help you come through….we just need to reach out and let them support us
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