Widows Quest

11 opinions for Most Popular Songs Played at Funerals

• Lenette
  Jun 6, 2008 at 11:41 am

  Hate me, but with the exception of a couple of the songs….not fond of any of those. I agree, something a little more upbeat please.

• Jessica
  Jun 6, 2008 at 12:01 pm

  Sorry to post so soon again. For myself, I would like to choose some uptempo song. For my husband’s memorial, since I had no time to plan it (family members were here and I had to do this while their support was available), I choose a hymn that is used mainly for baptisms, but it is also fitting for memorial services. It is titled “Borning Cry” and the words are:

  I Was There to Hear Your Borning Cry

  I was there to hear your borning cry,
  I’ll be there when you are old.
  I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
  to see your life unfold.
  I was there when you were but a child,
  with a faith to suit you well;
  In a blaze of light you wandered off
  to find where demons dwell.”

  “When you heard the wonder of the Word
  I was there to cheer you on;
  You were raised to praise the living Lord,
  to whom you now belong.
  If you find someone to share your time
  and you join your hearts as one,
  I’ll be there to make your verses rhyme
  from dusk ’till rising sun.

  In the middle ages of your life,
  not too old, no longer young,
  I’ll be there to guide you through the night,
  complete what I’ve begun.
  When the evening gently closes in,
  and you shut your weary eyes,
  I’ll be there as I have always been
  with just one more surprise.

  I was there to hear your borning cry,
  I’ll be there when you are old.
  I rejoiced the day you were baptized,
  to see your life unfold.

  – I chose this hymn because I love it, and although it always makes me cry, I felt it was a nice summing-up of one’s life.

• anna
  Jun 6, 2008 at 2:34 pm

  Never apologize for commenting…it means so much to me, it is much worse when no one comments as that adds to my loneliness!

  Those words are so lovely what a wonderful choice. I chose You Raise Me Up because he played it to me before he died…

  It is funny that I chose sentimental but have written in my will that I want a happy song…I think because I looked round and saw everyone crying…I don’t want that at mine. I want people to remember my smile, the great moments, what I brought to life not what death has taken away…does that make sense?

• Jackie b's
  Jun 7, 2008 at 5:53 pm

  Of coarse it makes sense and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my 17 yr old daughter 2 weeks into her senior yr of high school in a fatal auto accident.

  Having been here most of my life, raised both my daughters here and my parents were born and raised here, I didn’t realize the lives that our little family of 5 had touched over the years.

  And like you, at the viewing which went on from 5pm until 1am the sobs and crying was almost more than I could take.

  Then at the funeral the next day, our church hold 2500, it was packed and people still stood outside. I could hardly look at them to see the sorrow in their eyes as I was numb at the moment.

  My oldest daughter had chosen the youth minister and he had given a beautiful ceremony, but I couldn’t bare the thought of everyones last memory of Jill being in that coffin.

  I don’t know where the strength came from or the words but I got up a took the microphone and told everyone there that I loved them very much and so did Jill, but she would not want to be remembered like this. She was vibrant and smart, and spunky.

  I had always told the girls and their friends that my song to them would always be “If you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance”

  I asked if there were anyone that wanted to share a thought or funny story and 3 of her best friends came up, and then a young girl that was good friends with Jill came up and said Jackie, I know that song by heart and I’d like to sing it to Jill and all her friends acapello.

  So I told everyone that this song was for them from Jill and from me and this is the song I want them to always remember. Jamie sang the song beautifully and it seemed like the spirit was lifted in that packed church.

  Then when we got to the gravesite, Megan, another good friend asked if she could sing Amazing Grace and it was Jill’s fav. And that was it.

  As I stood alone and watched them lower my child into the earth, I felt her spirit soar. Her friends began to come up to me and tell me that they would not sit it out, that they would dance.

  That was 6 years ago, and even tho at times mymissing Jill overcomes me, God will put one of those precious kids in my path at a gas station or store somewhere and they will yell out, “hey, Jill’s Mom, I’m still dancing.”

  I can’t tell you what a blessing that is and to actually get to hear her name called out. I guess I’ve told you this because I think you have made a very good decision, especially because this earth that we live on now is the only hell the us believers will ever know. We are only on a journey and the happiness is we are actually going home.

  They say home is where the heart is, and my heart is set on Heaven. I have opted for a complete body donation to the Universit of Alabama Medical School. Like you I want to be remembered for all the scatter brained things I came up with,my laughter, my smile and my unconditional love.

  I will have a stone next to Jill’s, but I want my ashes emptied from the highest mountain in Alabama and let the blownin the wind for I hav already done all the good I can do, and I will not pass this way again.

  All the best to you for all your life.
  Jackie b

• Jessica
  Jun 8, 2008 at 8:07 am

  In the U.S. (maybe you are not a resident of this country?) many times the will is not read until much later than the time a funeral service is held. Thus, I guess I would relay my song choice(s) to someone who would hopefully survive me.

  Anyway, I still like the hymn I chose on such short notice, mainly because of the words in the verse that begins, “In the middle ages of your life”.

  I had hoped to organize some sort of memorial or a gathering of my husband’s friends in the Minneapolis area, when I am in that state in late July, but it is more than I can cope with. Too far away (distance) and I just don’t think I can cope with any more right now. I had tentatively picked a weekend, then had been leaned on by husband’s late father’s widow to move it up a day, and I just threw up my hands and quit. My sister (widowed 6 years ago) told me (and thank God, I listened to her) to do what I wanted to do, and not what others are pressuring me into. My few words of wisdom to share with others (who probably have already figured that out).

  Thanks for your comments, Anna. It’s good to know that there is someone out there. Family has gone back home (MN) and friends and neighbors are going about their daily lives, understandably. A next-door neighbor has sort of taken me under her wing, which is a comforting feeling.She is a very caring person.

• Mary
  Jun 8, 2008 at 11:37 am

  Jessica,

  What an absolutely lovely song. I’m a sap, so I would go for sentimental. That’s what I did for my husband Michael’s funeral. He was very sentimental, so I think he would have appreciated my choice of Lynryrd Skynyrd’s “Free Bird”. So many people make fun of that song, but I love it even though it made me and everybody else cry at his funeral. The song has so much energy when the band rocks out that it helps to release the pain. Now when anyone hears the song, they think of Michael (even people who didn’t attend the funeral.)

  I’m glad that you’re honoring your feelings by not forcing yourself to take on tasks when you’re not up to it. You’ll know when the time is right. When Michael died I thought I would scatter his ashes in the Spring or Fall of 2007. But I’ve got him stored in the entertainment center, so he can continue to enjoy the music he loved. Now I think I might wait until I pass on, so we can be scattered together. I do need to write this all down even though I’ve mentioned it to my siblings and nieces and nephews.

• Jessica
  Jun 9, 2008 at 7:41 am

  Mary -

  My husband was a former professional musician (country music and he had been with a good regional band for over 10 years, back in the 70’s), and I wish I could have quickly picked a good song from that era, from that genre. My mind just went blank, when planning the service, since it had been unexpected and all. So I just went with good old songs that most could sign along with, such as Amazing Grace. The words are strangely comforting, such as the hymn Borning Cry. I realized that I no longer fear death, knowing that someone is there for me on the other side. Not that I am in any hurry to go there, mind you. But it’s like a calm has settled over me.

  Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think I will take a small portion of his ashes to keep with me here in Houston, until I can decide what to do with the main portion of them which I will bring back to MN with me next month.

  Anna - I just realized that you must be a Canadian resident, re-reading your mention of the CBC’s comment. Sorry that I did not click to that earlier.

• Mike Buckley
  Jun 9, 2008 at 9:29 am

  Anna,

  What a great blog! When I’m wearing my business hat, I follow The Engaging Brand and The Podcast Sisters but I just stumbled onto Widow’s Quest. When I take off the business hat, besides being a husband and father, I’m also a deacon in the Catholic Church. In that part of my life, I’m involved in a lot of funerals.

  Here in the US, “On Eagle’s Wings”, which is based on the 91st Psalm, is sung at nearly every Catholic funeral. It’s a beautiful and inspiring song. http://tinyurl.com/6r74nh

  Personally, I fall into the group that prefers the happier songs as we celebrate someone’s life. At Catholic funerals, we’re limited to music that’s liturgically correct, but there’s no limitation to what we can do at a wake, so I’ve instructed my family to play happy music. In fact, if I live long enough, I plan to put together my own CD for them to use. “When the Saints Go Marching In” would be one of my choices.

  The important thing is, if you have preferences, to let someone know. As you know, the hours following a loved one’s death are not the time to be making decisions. The greatest gift you can give your family is to talk about these things ahead of time and to let them know your wishes.

  This blog is a wonderful service. God bless you for the work you do.

• anna
  Jun 9, 2008 at 12:15 pm

  Oh wow, these comments have made me sad, made me happy, made me feel…again. Thank you for sharing the stories, they are wonderful and I want to use some of these for posts this week to share with others if that is OK. When you see people feeling weak after suffering a death, I hope they read the strength in the comments on this blog….it is in our darkest hour we find that strength inside. THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH

• Mary
  Jun 9, 2008 at 4:41 pm

  Mike,

  I love “On Eagle’s Wings”. That was played at my father’s funeral (in a Catholic Church) and also at Michael’s funeral (held at the funeral home).

  Jessica,

  Michael’s death was sudden, too. He died of a heart attack while I was at work. But he had been in ill health with other issues for years, so he prepared me for his death. I always thought I’d be rocking out at 80 instead of 54. That’s the only reason “Free Bird” came to mind, because I had actually thought of that song while he was alive. One of his closest friends introduced the song and explained how Michael had turned him on to it when they were about 14 years old. I had no idea how the song would fit into the service, but Steve’s eulogy put it in perspective. God certainly answered my prayers that day.

  Dear Jackie,

  I’m sorry for your loss of Jill. She really made an impact on a lot of people. It sounds like her friends continue to cherish her memory, and they honor her and you when they choose to dance.

  Best wishes,
  Mary

  Anna,

  As always, you give us food for thought.
  Hugs!

• Cara
  Jun 10, 2008 at 9:47 pm

  Jackie B,

  Firstly, please let me say how sorry I am for your loss.

  I am so moved by the story of your daughter and of her friends that are still dancing I would like to include it in an ebook I am writing for teens suffering the loss of friend. I have spoken on the topic of grief,loss and especially car crashes since the day I watched my identical twin sister die in an auto wreck the summer of our graduation from high school. I speak to high school students all over the world about choices and how to stick their neck out for their friends and have finally decided to but an ebook together that might help someone smile, cry, laugh, and remember in their toughest times.

  “I hope you dance” was even played at my wedding to the most amazing man, in memory of my sister, kinda like words and wishes from above, not to dwell on the loss, but remember the good times and be grateful for the time we did share. Although no one sung it acapella as everyone in my family sound like tone-deaf parrots when we sing. :)

  I will not use the story, or any parts of it without your permission. Please let me know if you feel comfortable in my sharing your heartfelt sorrow and grief with others in order to help someone else through the process of smiling even when it hurts so bad.

  Feel free to contact me directly by email carafiller@comcast.net I would love to chat with you

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