Learnings from Sadness!
Widows or people who have lost significant others feel an overwhelming degree of sadness. We can often feel bad about our feelings but I have just seen this article in the Daily Mail that says sadness might not be all that bad….they suggest
“It may seem extraordinary to think of sadness as a positive thing, but evolution may be the key - according to some experts, sadness helps us learn from our mistakes. It also invites sympathy and therefore help from others.”
When I sit and think about it, I think I tend to agree….sadness has taught me various lessons
- Never to take anyone for granted.
- The joy of having loved and being loved
- The precious nature of life
- The understanding that I want to spend the rest of my life creating value for others
to name just 4…..sadness has brought me a greater understanding of life and other human beings. I have created more happiness for myself and others from changing my attitude to love. How has sadness changed you for the better?
Tags: bereavement, happiness, life, loss, love, sadness, widowsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
7 opinions for Learnings from Sadness!
Beth
Dec 5, 2007 at 2:53 pm
As a psychologist for 20 years and widow for 2 1/2, I thought I could bypass sadness. Losing my husband of over 20 years as a result of same day, outpatient sinus surgery, was shocking, devastating and life altering. HOWEVER, I thought I could manage it WITHOUT sadness. Oh, Denial Must Not Be A River…
I soon began to realize that the natural flow of feelings, of grieving, of loss and transition WAS to go from sadness to disorganization, anger, despair. I couldn’t skip the tears and the heart ache.
Someone wisely advised me that by going thru the sadness, I would open space in my heart to live and love again. Hurumph…
The real moment of truth came when I was introduced to another widow. Although older than I, she had the pain and anquish only another widow could recognize. I assumed she had been widowed a short time given the tightness in her face, the far away look in her eye, the drooped shoulders. Imagine my shock when she announced she had been widowed for seven years.
At that point, I took a stand. I was going to move through the sadness, even if it meant breaking into tears wandering the aisles at Safeway looking for yogurt. I was going to go to the movies and cry my eyes out, in public. I was going to meet a friend for coffee, even if the wait staff was uncomfortable with my using my napkin as a hankerchief.
I had a dear friend who was widowed at a young age. He said that for over 1 1/2 years he would ONLY go to the grocery store at 1 am, when he was sure he would not run into anyone.
No, grief can be met and conquered. It’s the isolation that is deadly.
My image is the Phoenix, the mythical creature who rises above the ashes of despair.
My life has dramatically changed in the last two plus years. I am in the process of redefining myself in every way.
There is joy in re-creation. There are hidden blessings once you get past the pain and anquish.
Just don’t isolate and don’t get frozen in your grief.
Soar like the Phoenix.
anna
Dec 6, 2007 at 9:23 am
Wow what a wonderful comment…because it shows the emotive nature of a personal grief journey. Sadness is a part of that…I wouldn’t want anyone to think it is not…but also there comes a time when you need to start taking positives from the process. I know that I have grown…would I prefer not to have seen death, of course but I know that I have grown because of it. What a wonderful comment thank you for sharing
Tiffany
Dec 6, 2007 at 7:25 pm
I think the biggest shock was the pain I experienced when he died. I have had a lot of loss in my life but not pain compared to this. I learned that I am stronger then I thought I was, I could have never imagined that I could survive such pain. And that friends and family are so important to me, they are what makes me want to wake up every day. And the little moments are just as important as the big ones. Don’t take anything for granted.
anna
Dec 7, 2007 at 4:28 am
Wonderful thoughts Tiffany…do you know I never think that we give ourselves enough praise for our strength….I also love the focus on little moments, I agree…I find pleasure now in the smallest things.
Tiffany
Dec 8, 2007 at 5:52 pm
I agree, when ever I talk to someone right after they lost a significant person in their life their response is “I’m not strong enough to live without them” and a year or so goes by and their response turns into “I can’t believe I have been through this tragedy and survived.” I still have bad days as we all do but I am still here. I took it a day at a time and cried myself to sleep a lot; and still cry at times, but I’m still here.
anna
Dec 9, 2007 at 11:35 am
Still standing….and we will dance again :)
Rise like a Pheonix from Grief
Dec 10, 2007 at 11:21 am
[…] of the readers to this blog - Beth wrote such a lovely comment to the learning from sadness post that I just had to highlight it and share it with you. Here is a snippet that may inspire you […]
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: