Do your tears seem stuck inside?
As you all know I try and stay as positive as possible, as I believe that we determine our level of happiness. Then occassionally I have a day like today. One when I am crying inside and yet they just won’t come out..I think I get so used to appearing strong that I forget how to be weak!
I am going to exercise today as I find the more exercise I do, the more that emotion seems to subside. It 
also gives me a chance to talk to myself. Today I feel lost, feel lonely, surplus to requirements to the whole world, that I try and ensure every body else is OK but no one checks back on me….I know feeling selfish today, aren’t I!
I know in reality that I do bring something to this world, I do have people who love me…I just need to concentrate on reducing the gap between how I am feeling and what the true reality is…
Tags: bereavement, crying, death, feeling-down, feeling-tired, Grief, Loneliness, Guilt & Depression, losing-a-spouseRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
5 opinions for Do your tears seem stuck inside?
Tiffany
Oct 4, 2007 at 5:30 pm
Anna,
I hope you are feeling better. I know we all have our days where we just don’t feel ourselves. And I think its okay to be “selfish” every once in a while. I think we get so used to taking care of others we forget to take care of ourselves. I know that I am guilty of giving a lot of myself and if I do not get what I need to expect in return it takes a lot out of me. So I try to have a “me day” every once in a while, taking a walk going, to get my hair done; anything that will make me feel better. I feel that sometimes people forget that I have been through a tremendous tragedy and need someone else to lean on for a change. It’s hard to admit that the world will go on if we are not there to hold everyone’s hand along the way, but it will. And you should take the time to try and heal yourself and do what you need to do to make yourself feel better. True friends understand when you are feeling down and need time to yourself, and tomorrow will bring a new day and hopefully new, happier, feelings.
anna
Oct 6, 2007 at 9:02 am
Tiffany thank you so much, I look forward to your comments and I always know I will never be alone…sounds strange but the community here helps those dark days…comments like these pull you through!
Yes I do feel better…my problem is that I spend so much time being the mediator in life between various people that sometimes I just want to scream - for once someone think about how I feel. It passes quickly usually and now I am back to normal :) Thanks for your support
Tiffany
Oct 6, 2007 at 9:34 am
Your welcome, I am glad you are feeling better. I do know how you feel; right around the time Josh died I had a friend going through some issues with her boyfriend. She would call me and ask how I was doing and then start a 30 min conversation, all about how her and her boyfriend were having issues. I did feel for her but the whole time I was thinking to myself “And what about me?!, my Fiancé just died!!” I think people get so used to us being there for them, when the tables turn and we need them for a change they don’t always know how to react.
anna
Oct 10, 2007 at 9:14 pm
Tiffany that is so true…I even smiled when I read your comment. That is why I love Widows Quest, it is a community that understands…
Sherry
Oct 12, 2007 at 3:55 am
Oh Anna, How I relate to you and the internal weeping you have. My husband died in June while I was in hospital having a hip replaced. I feel so guilty that I was not with him and so empty without him and just so lost. A really good weep would help, but like you I am the ’strong one’ and I don’t know how to let go. I do have family and friends to give support but I feel isolated from them despite their loving kindness. The Qeen Mother is reputed to have said, “It never gets easier, you just get better at coping”. I wish she had left a manual on how to do it! Talking to friends who have ‘been there’ she was correct but as yet it has not even begun. You are not alone, my heart andwishes are with you. Take care of you!
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