Do You Fear, Fear Itself?
I am going through this phase where everything feels frightening. I fear work, I fear happiness…..I even fear people. I am trying to work through this by looking at what I am frightened of, trying to think logically about my fears.
I think when something - or someone - is taken away from you so quickly, you lose a little confidence in
your ability to understand life. I think that is what has happened to me. I used to have confidence because I was happy, I had meaning in my life. At the moment, I feel lost… I feel that I am searching for meaning and when I can find that meaning then my confidence will flow back.
Does anyone else fear people? Does anyone else understand these feelings and have any advice?
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Tags: fear, feelings, frightened of, lose + confidence, meaning-+-life, searching for meaningRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Loneliness, Guilt & Depression
7 opinions for Do You Fear, Fear Itself?
Pat
May 26, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Anna, You are going through what is called grief. When you had your spouse, you felt confident and sure of yourself because you had a paartner in life. He was ripped out of your life just as if you would rip a flower up from the ground by its roots. NOW WHAT?
If you can find a grief support group in your area, I suggest you go as soon as possible. You will find that you are not alone. Sharing your feeling with a group will help you to understand your fears and feelings of abandonment. I lost my husband and I understand your feelings. I too, felt fear of people because I just didn’t think anyone would understand me. I got involved in every support group I could find and found that everyone was saying basically the same things. Then, I knew I wasn’t different or strange or going crazy. Time gave me peace. As a result, I have lead a Support group for grieving people for the past 12 years.
Please make the effort to help yourself feel better.
You may find a group by going to DivorceCare.com If there is a group near you, you will find it at that site.
Also, I write on the net about death and divorce recovery. Put my name Patricia Hubbard in quotes (” “) into Google and you will find my articles. Click on the EzineArticles link.
Also you can go to this link http://askpat.typepad.com and find articles to help you.
Good luck and don’t give up trying to understand your fears.
Pat
Linda
May 26, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Yes, Anna, my husband was safety-when he suddenly died of leukemia. Fear set in. I didn’t know what the future held, what to do about his medical practice, what to do about overwhelming debt.
The thing that helped me the most: Courage is not the absence of fear–but the belief that something is more important than the fear.
I always thought people with courage did not experience the fear I was experiencing. But it wasn’t true. They just knew their children, their task at hand was more important than the fear.
I said every day just brush your teeth and put one foot in front of the other for a while. Now, almost a year later, many frightening things dissolved—yes, there are many left–but I will attack them one at a time. Overcoming the terrible fear as I go.
Dealing with the Fear
May 27, 2008 at 3:48 am
[…] you so much for the comments about this feeling of fear that I have….it meant the world to me. I loved Linda’s […]
Vic Brown
May 27, 2008 at 8:39 pm
Hi Anna,
I’ve written a fair bit on my blog about fear in relation to grief. Here’s a Google index of all my posts containing the word “fear”: http://tinyurl.com/56r2gx
I hope you find something to help you there. Courage, my friend ;-)
Vic
Anna Farmery
May 29, 2008 at 3:04 am
Vic - how lovely of you. Thank you for taking the time to help me overcome my fears…I know I will get through I just don’t know how to…I will check out the link
Mary
May 29, 2008 at 5:23 pm
Hi Anna,
I want to applaud your willingness to share your vulnerability with your readers. At the moment, I’m not feeling much fear, but I know that I have at various times in my life. I think fear doesn’t exist when you become excited about life and possibilities. Anxiety that comes from grief is tinged with a negative excitement. I don’t know if any of this makes much sense, however, I feel that the other comments have offered ways to alleviate the fear you are experiencing.
When a spouse dies suddenly as was the case with my husband Michael, you can’t help but reel from the upheaval. I’m not sure if I had a fear of people, or if I just didn’t trust my emotions around other people. Hibernating a bit did help for awhile. Music and chocolate soothed my troubled soul.
I have faith that you’ll come out of this rough patch you’re experiencing. Be gentle with yourself.
Hugs,
Mary
Thinking about life rather than death
May 30, 2008 at 6:34 am
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