Widows Quest

A Garden of Memories

by Adelle Tilton on March 1st, 2006

“A garden is a project that you can’ t complete in one day so you have a season, year after year, to work on this memorial and it will grow into a reflection of your memories.”
Adelle Tilton

Iwill never forget him. How many times have you heard that or said that? Probably many, many times. Even when you are past active grieving, it is important to remember your husband in a way that can be seen by others. Remembering our lost loved one is crucial to the grieving process and is imperative to reinventing who you are as an individual.

If you enjoy gardening, this is a beautiful way to create a memorial to your husband. It is beneficial to you as you will be working outside in the fresh air and getting some exercise; gardening has a certain routine to it that allows your mind to work quietly. It is almost a meditation in itself to garden for a few hours. It is also a project that you can’t complete in one day, so you have a season, year after year, to work on this memorial and it will grow into a reflection of your memories.Here are some ideas of things you can do.

1. Create a garden of flowers that are all the color of the birthstone of your loved one. For example, if your loved one’s birthday was in July, create a garden full of red flowers. Use all different flowers but be sure they are all red. Place them carefully and intersperse them with green shrubs and other ground cover such as ivy. Placing a birdbath in the center of the garden will attract many birds and will create a beautiful and peaceful environment. (See below for a birthstone chart with colors.)
2. Build your garden using both of your birthstone colors. For example, someone who has a birthday in March and their husband’s birthday was in September, could use a combination of light blue and a rich darker blue. Again use ivy and other greenery to fill in the garden and add to the beauty.
3. Like a mother’s ring, a garden can be created to honor an entire family when one of the family members has passed. Consider building your garden as a set of circles all enclosing each other. The smallest one in the center would represent the loved one who was lost and then each circle moving away from the center would be representing a member of the family. If you choose this method it would be wise to outline your garden first with inexpensive wire gates to form your circles as you wish them to be placed. Putting a garden glass ball in the center of the garden would also be a nice touch.
4. Planting what is known as a “moon garden” could honor the loss of your husband. This is a garden that is exclusively white flowers. The beauty of a moon garden is seen at night; when the moon is out, it seems to glow with a life of its own. Most flowers have a white variation and many flowers can be used in this garden. It is pure and it a beautiful memorial.
5. If your loved one loved to cook, planting an herb garden would be a wonderful way to remember them. Herbs are easy to grow and can be used in the kitchen or given as gifts. They are fragrant and attractive.
6. Use colors and your imagination. Perhaps wedding colors, or colors of a person’s high school or college. Whatever had meaning to the loved one is appropriate.
7. Don’t hesitate to put up a plaque that states that your garden is a memorial garden. Put his name on it and let people know that your labor of love is in memory of your husband.

As you garden and think, I believe you will feel a sense of peace beginning to develop over you. Pray, think, meditate and garden. Remember this garden will be there as a memorial and a place for you to go as long as you wish it to be there.

“The world is so empty if one thinks only of mountains, rivers and cities; but to know someone here and there who thinks and feels with us, and though distant, is close to us in spirit - this makes the earth for us an inhabited garden.”
Johann von Goethe

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POSTED IN: Building Memorials, Positive Changes