Widows Quest

3 Tips on Coping with Tragedy or Bereavement

by anna on April 24th, 2007

Zen Chill has a great post on how to cope with tragedy following recent world events. Here are the summary points and my comments in bold.
Release the past.

Whenever a tragedy or problem happens, the first thing that I try to remember to do is to release the past and be fully present in the moment. If not, there can a tendency to “drag” similar instances and circumstances from the past into the present, which only feels worse.

Instead, I try to follow this recommendation from A Course In Miracles:

“When your peace is threatened or disturbed in any way, say to yourself:

‘I do not know what anything, including this, means. And so I do not know how to respond to it. And I will not use my own past learning as the light to guide me now.’

My thoughts - Each day I talk to myself saying I cannot change his death, I cannot change the stupid niggles that we sometimes had, I cannot change the void. What I can change is how I live my life from now on. 

Use the power of forgiveness.

My intention is to be 100% responsible for all aspects of my life. But, how does this apply to a tragedy? I consciously choose to neutralize the energy causing any problem by forgiving whatever is going on inside of me that is manifesting as the problem or tragedy that I am perceiving.

“Through forgiveness the thinking of the world is reversed.” - A Course In Miracles

My thoughts. This is the area that I struggle with most - forgiving myself for not being an even better partner, forgiving the world for taking great people away. Forgiveness brings peace and I need to work at this each day.

Respond with love.

There are only two ways of responding to any situation: with love or fear. One feels good. The other doesn’t.

Therefore, problems, and even tragedies, can now be seen as opportunities and “calls for love.” From this perspective, if something or someone is not expressing love, then to me, they are only “calling” out for love, regardless of how it may appear. Therefore, if they are calling out for love, the most powerful way to respond is with love.

And, there is no limit to the ways that we can each express and give love to a tragedy or any other problem that we may be perceiving. Prayers, donations of time or money, and even candle light vigils are just some the many ways that people express love in tragic situations. However, there is no right or wrong way. All anyone needs to do is listen to their own heart and follow whatever its guidance is “saying.”

My thoughts. This is an area that is important to me. In my grief I decided that I needed to use the pain to help others - blogging, supporting, being a great friend, support groups. On my main blog The Engaging Brand I ask readers if they like the blog to leave a tip for dementia as a memorial to my Dad who was my business mentor. All of this is my way of showing love….

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POSTED IN: Loneliness, Guilt & Depression